she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
