her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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