Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
