My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
