i don't like sucking hair
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
