We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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