mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
