I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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