He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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