his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
