I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
false alarm. still invincible.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize