Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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