Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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