Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
