And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
