every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i think i have herpe
just one?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
