if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
