Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sext me about skeletons
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
