the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
is it fun? or sober?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
