I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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