In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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