Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she looked like the before picture.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
