Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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