Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
