I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
