She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
