i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
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