i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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