...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
