I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
