the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
