I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
