In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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