Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
