I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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