i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
