I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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