My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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