so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
