New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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