we're blogging at a bar
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize