I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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