He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just invented taco cereal.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
