I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
