im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
