I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
