Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
