my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Come share oat with me in your robe
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
