when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
