I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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