Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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