Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
