Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
