call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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