I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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