Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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