The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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