The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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