Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
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She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
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Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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