I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
