..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
