she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
