apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
