I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish i was in the wii world.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
