I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
