mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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