whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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