People in love make me want to vomit
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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